Apr 23, 2013

Have you thought about it? Self-pity vs self-care

The difference between self-care and self-pity is the key to a positive outcome. "Self-care means paying attention to your needs and taking positive steps to look after yourself, emotionally and physically, when times are tough"says Dr Cecilia D´Felice in an article in Red Magazine. "Replacing self-pity with self-care begins with the understanding that we have the capacity to make ourselves feel better." I recently came across this great article and realised that I, and I guess many with me, don´t often think about the difference between the two concepts, and it´s really good to know the difference so that we can actively make a choice. "When you´re unhappy, though, it can be hard to distinguish between self-pity and self-care. Turning into your capacity of self-care means listening to your inner voice." Self-pity often comes from feelings of anger, hatred or envy and often starts a sentence with I never, It´s always or It´s not fair." Self-care is about being responsible for ourselves, explains Dr D´Felice. "When we feel sorry for ourselves, our fantasy is that someone will come and rescue us, from when we are tiny children we are told that a prince will come. But we don´t always realise that our "prince" is inside us - it´s our resourcefulness and our creativity, and so we are more than capable of rescuing ourselves."

How to learn self-care

According to Dr D´Felice there are some questions that we can ask ourselves in order to learn self-care:

What do I feel?
What do I need?
What can I give myself right now that will make this feel more manageable (food, sleep, exercise?)
How is this experience affecting me?

If we learn the art of listening to ourselves, and thereby our true needs, it will make self-care much easier, putting us back in control, which is far better off than self-pity:)

[Pinterest image via 2.bp.blogspot.com]


  1. Absolutely true Caroline! There is such a difference between life controlling us and taking back the control. Great reminder of the essential need for self care today.
    xx, Heather

  2. An interesting post with much good advice about self-care.

  3. Som vanligt tackar jag för din fina blogg- det är som att läsa ELLE. It FEEDS me. :-) Wow, vilket Hay House event, det hade jag gärna gått på. Mer än gärna, men jag kan inte få in NY i juni... Jag ska satsa en aning på att rikta blickarna mot Marbella, arbetsmässigt, och ser fram emot det. Ideas querida? Let me know, om du också har något på gång där. Många kramar till dig! Vi hörs, Helena

  4. I think self-pity ultimately caused by unhappiness... that, in its turn, can be caused by bad relationship, rubbish job, unfulfilled dreams... you name it. And then comes envy and anger and the rest.

  5. Så sant.Gud vad jag har tränat på det här. Nu kommer det faktiskt nästan alltid naturligt. Jag kom på mig själv med att efter en jobbig dag där jag gjort mindre bra saker och varit otillräcklig o.s.v. INTE straffa mig själv. Istället kom det naturligt att tänka. "Men oj vilken jobbig dag du haft. Nu förtjänar du en promenad, en lång varm dusch och sedan att få lägga dig direkt utan att städa eller något sånt" Som en bra mamma hade sagt. Så sa jag till mig själv och när jag tänkte på det så blev jag så otroligt stolt över hur långt jag kommit.